5 lesssons I learned this year so far

The first 4 months of this year are nearly gone so now is a good time to reflect on the first quarter of 2021. This blogpost is a summary of 5 lessons I learned so far.

New year, new me? We all been there before. And I don't mean that there is something wrong with having dreams, goals and plans for the upcoming year. That's actually super awesome and important when it comes to (personal) growth. But often times we tend to set ourselves goals without taking the necessary action and steps to get there, and, most importantly, we are not willing to change our habits. But our habits are the one thing that create our daily routine and therefore determinate how our days go. Our days form our weeks, our weeks form our months, our months form our years and our years ultimately form our life. If you don't change your habits, your life won't change. But there is something else I realized along that. Your habits don't only corelate with your productivity and efficiency. They also play a huge role when it comes down to your emotions and your trauma, because you have (mostly unconciously) habits and pattern in that area as well. You know that saying "time heals all wounds"? I only partly agree with that anymore. Time makes things less present, you forget details about your past experiences, but time only doesn't heal you. It takes concious effort from your side for that. Until you heal what broke you, you will keep breaking on the same thing (just with a different person, a different situation) over and over again.

I am completely honest, before last year (especially the second half of it) and the first quarter of this year, I was tired of people preaching "Mindset is key" and "If you can dream it, you can do it". I was always interested in mindset, but I only truly understand the meaning and importance of it now. Your mindset is the greatest asset, the greatest tool you will ever have. Everything else in life you have you created with your mind. Everything you do and don't do starts with a thought because you cannot not think. The Law of Attration and Manifestation are actually a real thing and you don't need to be spiritual to believe in it. There are so many scientifically proven, non-spiritual books out there that explain everything about the power of visualization and affirmations and how they will transform your life. Honestly, if all people would understand and use this principle, we would be living in another world with so much more kindness, love and optimism. I know I can be seen as a bit obsessed about this topic but this is just knowledge that changes people's life, how can you not be obsessed about this? (For more information click here to check out my blogpost series all about on mindset and/or go to my Instagram @fenja.b_ where I post content on all about this stuff).

The fact that people are always judging, no matter what you do and don't do, is probably not breaking news to most of us. That you shouldn't give a f*ck about this, isn't as well. What less people tell you though, that sometimes the judgement is not (only) coming from people you are not close with, but from your very own family and friends, which ultimately makes it way harder to give a f*ck about it. We all care about what other people think. We care especially about what the people we love think (in most cases). And that is totally okay. At some point you nevertheless have to understand that you are living your life for yourself on your own terms and 99.9% of the things people judge you about are solely projections from things they are insecure/uncomfortable/unsure about themselves. Their judgement isn't about you, but rather about them. "What Susie says about Sally, says more about Susie than of Sally" is actually true. At the end of the day, people care the most about themselves. So it is only natural that when you judge someone, it actually comes from your own perception of the world and yourself.

I heard this a million times in break-up advice videos, empowerment tiktoks and from my own friends. I always knew it was true but I never wanted to believe it. The truth is often times the hardest pill to swallow. But once you base your decisions (your decisions regarding relationships with other people, no matter if they are of romantic nature, platonic friendships or family relations) on that knowing, not only will the quality of people you spend your time with on a regular basis massively improve, you will also recognize your self worth and the relationship you have with yourself and the love you have for yourself will exceed. People's actions are depending on a million different factors, but in the end it will always come down to one single thing, that thing is literally the base of all the decisions (and decisions are resulting in actions) anyone makes: your free will. In the end people will do what they want to do. It is really as simple as that. So stop making excuses why people are doing what they are doing and not what you want or wish them to do. They are doing what they are doing because they want to. I know that can sound cruel, especially when you are around people who treat you poorly, but you have to understand you can't make, you can't force, people to treat you a certain way. They will treat you how they want to treat you. And how they want to treat you is not in your control. What IS in your control, is your own free will. Your decisions, your actions, your way of treating people is in your control. The best thing you can do if people don't treat you the way you treat them, the way you deserve to be treated and/or the way you want to be treated, is to draw your own consequences from that (= talk to them if you feel like it could change something, adjust your own behaviour towards them or cut them off).

"Trust the vibes you get, energy doesn't lie" - another popular saying I now can say I truly understand. As a very spiritual person, I believe that everything in this world is energy. As also an empath and introvert I can feel the energy of a room where I walk in, when I join a group of people or simply if I just hang out with one person. Through that I can immediately feel good or uncomfortable, depending on the energy I can sense. For me this intuitive feeling is super important as words and actions from people can differ from their true intentions. But the energy you are sending out, you can't fake that. So pay attention to how you feel when you are around certain people and places and question that. Why are you feeling not safe or comfortable even when they talk to you nicely? There is usually an energy reason behind it. Of course also be cautious about the energy YOU are putting out. If your intentions are not genuine, no matter what you say or do, your energy will be "off".

What are some lessons you learned this year so far? Which experiences taught you them? How was your 2021 so far? I would love to know! 🙂

Thank you so much for reading. ❤️

Recently I uploaded a 3-part blogpost series all about transforming your mindset and how you can build the mindset for following your dreams and achieving everything you want. 🔥

Click here to check it out.

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